Surfing the Edge

I just completed the Summer Strong challenge at my yoga studio today. I did a few double headers during the month and completed something like 33 classes total and 16 boot camp and power yoga classes. In the past, I had a mental block about those classes… The edge was always uncomfortable. With the recent ceremonies I’ve been through and time with Miss Rabbit, there has been a massive clearing of energy. I recently also had my teeth deep cleaned at the dentist in two sessions involving lots of Novocain. Physical reality reflects the insides. My teeth are clean. My soul is clean.

In the past month, I’ve lost about seven pounds, my six pack is starting to show, and I’m getting a lot stronger. My energy is through the roof, and my ability to be present is better than it ever has been. Conversations, yoga, eating, breathing. Everything feels so vibrant and flowing.

It feels as though there are two versions of myself.

One version of me is a Zen, calm, and present version of myself, slowly melting my way through a lazy river version of the universe enjoying every moment with sensuality. The other me is on fire. It’s as though I am consciously triggering a form of psychosis with the right amount of delusion in order to move forward with purpose so that the right mistakes can be made. Pushing through fear. Finding the edge.

Then, a return to complete surrender…

What is the Universe telling me from those lessons?

Be Present… Listen…

Alternating between various modes of consciousness, perhaps even forms of insanity, in order to truly understand self and in turn, the universe. After all, insanity is just a label. Filters of consciousness.

Messages from the Universe: Embrace the Unknown… The Sacred Spiral is my ally…

Love…

Surrender…

sense8-museum

“My Heart is Not a Clock.”

An Apology… That is also an Anthem.
Love is not something we wind up,
Something that we set or control.
Love… Is just like Art.
A Force that comes into our lives,
Without any rules, expectations, or limitations.
And every time I hear that line,
I am reminded that Love, like Art,
Must always be Free.

 

Windows

Life is a series of windows.

As we surf through this universe, we cannot fully bend reality to our will, but we can surf to different dimensions. Every once in a while, a sliding window opens. There is a brief moment of time, when we can feel a sense that a portal has opened to another dimension… A place of magic and possibility. It can be triggered by meeting a new exciting person… A mystical experience… A transcendent idea.

When this happens, so often, we get scared. It’s the unknown… We need to surrender to it. “What if…”, “How?”, “But.”, “I can’t…” Resistance appears. Sometimes we don’t leap through the window. That’s ok. It wasn’t meant to be. We can enjoy the echo of possibilities from that dimension in our dreams and imagination.

“What a beautiful, beautiful thing to be able to dream when you’re not asleep.”

The more we dream, the better we get at it.

“On the periphery, just outside. There’s always a window. But people are frightened to look through it. It’s safer in the prison cell.”

Someday, a window to magic will open and it will be time to leap.

You are what you LOVE.

“You are what you love, not what loves you.”

Since my first visit to the jungle, two years ago, much has happened. I was given a mission from Mother Ayahuasca.

“Open your wife’s heart. Mother Earth misses her.”

What? No, I mean, for work, what should I be doing?

“Open your wife’s heart.”

Hmmm.

I came back from Peru and was excited. The solution was obvious:

“Honey, I think you should go to the jungle and drink this potion. It’s healed me!”

Uh, the Universe wasn’t letting me off that easy. I had work to do. Over the next two years, I went on a journey around the world, across the universe, seeking. I had to conquer my demons… dark ones… twisted around my soul, buried inside my ego.

My travels brought me in contact with beautiful souls that I connected with, and with the intensity of some of the experiences, I found myself falling in love with beautiful women that crossed my path. Unicorns.

There was the Dolphin Shamaness who I met on a Pilgrimage in Peru. We drank Grandfather Medicine together, birthed universes, and had a spirit baby in the labyrinth of Chavin.

A year later, I met beautiful Tattoo Song on a California Ranch. We were doing transformative work together, and during a meditation, I felt her soul connect to mine. She started crying, and we went for a walk. She told me:

“Two weeks ago, my fiancee found me on the bathroom floor. I had swallowed 200 pills. The doctor said there was no way I should be alive. Now I know why God sent me back… it was so I could come to this Ranch and meet you.”

I felt overwhelming love… We shared some tender moments, we shared a dance. Then, after returning to reality, she ghosted me. I still loved her for a year, despite that we only had a momentary glimpse of a future dimension… an infinite second in the journey of life, a window that closed as soon as it opened. I realized, she was a teacher… to teach me unconditional love.

Unconditional means surrender. It means letting go completely of any expectation and result.

lovechakra

A few weeks ago, I had a calling to meet Miss Rabbit. We met over sushi, and the connection was instant. I felt drawn to Miss Rabbit, and came home and told my wife we could let the marriage go. We had worked hard at it, and we knew we loved each other. After all these years, I let go. I let go of expectations. I was okay if we were never intimate again. I let go of any guilt and shame of failing at marriage. I let go of fears of what would happen to my wife if I left her. I trusted in her to be strong enough.

That night, I released all that energy. Expectations are a heavy burden to carry. I wept, and my wife reached over and held me. The next day, she called while I was on the road for business.

“I was listening to the universe this morning, and it said that we can choose to love. I choose to love you.”

After years, my wife’s heart cracked open. Not fully, but she was feeling again.

A few days later, with my wife’s blessing, I had my trip with Miss Rabbit, and felt the love growing and culminating in maybe the most loving experience of my life.

Today, Miss Rabbit pretty much told me, “Mate. Not happening, dude.”

Everyone falls in love with Miss Rabbit. That’s her magic. We don’t get to choose who we love.

Maybe we don’t get to choose who, but we can choose to love.

I told her, “That’s ok. I’m still going to love you.”

A couple months ago, during a trip to Catalina Island, the Alaskan Ninja mentioned this scene from the movie Adaptation to me.

That’s true love. No one can take it away from you.

Clearing Darkness

(Image Credit)

A few weeks ago, I went to a healing ceremony with Grandfather Sky conducted by a white witch from Peru. I was in paradise with a tribe of beautiful souls overlooking the ocean, as we set our intentions.

“Gratitude and Guidance”

As my third eye opened and the medicine kicked in, I relaxed on a bed on the patio and soaked in the sun. It was beautiful and I turned my eye inward. Organic patterns formed in my mind’s eye, and I was taken on a journey… It reached deeply back into my memories. I felt as though I was experience my birth, then as I dug in, I went further back… The geometric patterns brought me to the moment of conception. There was a beautiful organic cellular energy as I, as Source, entered this dimension. Intense.

huachuma

Suddenly, I heard some screaming down at the beach. A woman was panicking and I got up and watched from the patio, as I saw some men swimming out towards the riptide. We were unsure what was happening, and we later found out that two of the woman’s friends/family members got pulled out by the riptide, but landed safely at the next beach over. Paramedics showed up and we watched the drama from above feeling the intense energy of the situation.

A little while later, a police officer came over to kick out a shirtless homeless guy who passed out in front of an apartment complex on the bluff overlooking the beach. The officer walked over to the edge of the bluff looking over the edge at the beautiful view, pausing. We could see the struggle inside his head, and how much he hated his job at that moment. He appeared to have a brief impulse to just dive off that cliff.

Suddenly, the officer visibly stiffened, went into bad cop mode, and strutted over and kicked the homeless guy’s beer can, startling him awake. The cop stood there with his hands on his hips, and the homeless guy gets up and starts talking back. The tension builds, and the homeless guy continues being belligerent as the cop gets visibly agitated at him. The tension continued to build until the homeless guy took off, talking back the entire time, trying to provoke the cops into reinforcing his own belief that he is a victim.

The energy settled, and it was a beautiful day. I had beautiful conversations with fellow men, and the medicine continued to work. I started to get visions of shadowy energy that was triggered by the events of the day. I explored within myself – what is the dark energy that has drawn shadow into my life… Visions of my paternal grandmother appeared… I sensed her resentment towards my grandfather, who was a typical man of his generation and culture: emotionally unavailable, at times angry, at times violent. I thought of people (men and women) that I’ve drawn into my life that I’ve helped and still ended up lost to shadow… What is the rescuer archetype that is drawing this into my life? What is it inside me?

The shadowy energy started to form into a gnarly fractal shadow energy enveloping my soul. I deliberately began to dig deep into that energy… It felt as though it was cutting my bubbling organic flesh with black blades, and that blood was dripping. It felt like a black widow spider fractal demon was wrapping around my being. Kinda like this, but terrifying.

I remembered the shaman’s words.

“If you need help, ask for it.”

I approached her and said “I think I need help.” She guided me to listen to the Grandfather Medicine…

“It’s fear. It has to do with acceptance from women.”

She tells me to listen to the medicine.

“Surrender.”

I let go, and felt the demonic spider consume me, and felt an intense vibration as my vision went to white, and my consciousness disappeared to another dimension. As I came to, I felt the wings of a hawk brushing away energy and the hand of an angel on my back. I looked up and thanked the angel David, and took a stroll to the beach to wet my feet in the ocean, and soak in the divine beauty of the cove we were in.

The Oatmeal created a great piece about resistance and how difficult it is to change our minds and how it creates an emotional backfire effect. Today, I was able to receive the gift events from the universe that helped trigger a release of energy. Recognizing our triggers and deciding to surrender and not to let them control us is the art of the release. There are many tools in the tool chest to develop, as long as we are willing to embrace them.amygdala.png

Surrender

(Two Years Ago)

A group of twelve of us had spent the day in the jungle, heightened by Grandfather Medicine, exploring the energies of the Amazon. We were Higher Primates exploring the energetic fields of nature. We returned to Sanctuary and one of the monkeys was behaving like a Dark Monkey… Lusting for power, beating his chest, and generally pissing us other monkeys off.

We gathered in a circle around the Mesada. I began at the head of the cross shaped table, and we slowly circled around, with the Dark Monkey directly across from me, emanating lust for power. I saw the rest of the group turning their backs to him, and I just faced him and looked at him. As the energetics of the mesa shifted based on position, I felt the power ebb and flow. When I reached the highest male dominant energy point, a moth began to flutter around me… I raised and lowered the my internal prana energy and noticed as I raised it, the moth would flutter towards the candle flame in front of me, and as I lowered the moth would fly away out of sight.

I heard a message from the Grandfather Medicine:

“Strength over power.”

I began to control the energy with my breath, lowering the energy to a low rumble in my belly, and suddenly, the moth flew up the left sleeve of my t-shirt, and crawled across my chest, centered on my heart. We continued back around the table, and I took a seat in my rocking chair, and the moth crawled out my right sleeve, up my arm, onto my finger, and perched itself there, looking at me.

The shaman rang a chime, and the moth fluttered away.

The shaman beckons me to the mesa, and offers me Singado, which I snort up my nostrils, igniting my sinuses with liquid fire. My eyes water. As I put my fingers back on the table, he whispered in my ear:

“Just surrender, you’re so good at it…
…and remember, it’s about universal, unconditional love.”

I stared at the stone Lanzon, and saw flames emitting from the crown of the stone statue, and felt my entire body radiate universal love. I looked ahead at the tapestry that formed a three dimensional face that was part reflection, part dream, and part God. I felt myself being pulled upward toward the ceiling of the Maloka. I was surrendering and it felt intense for a few moments as if I was lifting off the ground, then the sensation faded.

(Today)

A few nights ago, I experienced full surrender (and even recalled it this time)… I was at a Sasquatch house, and experienced a ceremony that took me to another dimension.

I set my intention:

“Love and Abundance for my family and soul tribe. Surrender to my life’s purpose. Transmute my self doubt.”

I experienced the bliss of ultimate complete surrender and connected to the collective consciousness of humanity, where I knew that our collective could solve humanity’s problems. We are going to be okay. I received an assignment which was downloaded into my subconscious mind.

“You know what the project is.”

I realized at that moment that it has all been worth it. Miss Rabbit, who was along on the journey with me entered my consciousness and our souls connected profoundly and I was overwhelmed with joy and love. It radiated out of my soul.

On the drive back from Sasquatch Lake, Miss Rabbit and I zoomed along the beautiful mountain road, under beautiful skies, and the following song came on… Life was perfect at that moment.

Leeroy Jenkins!!

Today is Leeroy Jenkins Day.

leeroycardTwelve years ago the original Leeroy Jenkins video was released on WarcraftMovies.com. It became an Internet meme and has spawned all sorts of hilarity.

World of Warcraft is definitely one of the greatest gaming experiences ever. As game designers, there’s something called emergent behavior, where players discover/create gameplay situations that weren’t planned.

My main character in WoW was Katiepuff, a female gnome mage. One of the most memorable moments was when we were on a Stratholme run, and we screwed up while clearing trash mobs and aggro’d an extra set of ghouls. The ghouls overwhelmed us, and killed Grunbrumbler, our dwarven warrior tank and the rest of the party. There was only two ghouls left, and only Verita, our night elf priest and I were still alive. I killed one of the ghouls, then I ran up to Verita, jumped up and down and typed:

“HEAL! HEAL!”

She looked at me, turned her back on me and ran away. The ghouls overtook me and killed me, then she ran all the way back to the entrance (she wanted to save the time we needed to run back from the graveyard to the dungeon) and found that the gates were closed… We could see her fingernails clawing at the iron bars as a ghoul ate her alive.

We died laughing. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed that hard… My stomach hurt for hours afterwards.

Teachers

In life, we encounter many teachers.

We meet at a crossroads and walk together.

Along a scary, narrow path.

We hold hands and walk slowly.

Because we are afraid to fall.

Eventually, the teacher teaches us to fly.

Then we let go, so the teachers can fly too.

Fly with me.