“You are what you love, not what loves you.”
Since my first visit to the jungle, two years ago, much has happened. I was given a mission from Mother Ayahuasca.
“Open your wife’s heart. Mother Earth misses her.”
What? No, I mean, for work, what should I be doing?
“Open your wife’s heart.”
I came back from Peru and was excited. The solution was obvious:
“Honey, I think you should go to the jungle and drink this potion. It’s healed me!”
Uh, the Universe wasn’t letting me off that easy. I had work to do. Over the next two years, I went on a journey around the world, across the universe, seeking. I had to conquer my demons… dark ones… twisted around my soul, buried inside my ego.
My travels brought me in contact with beautiful souls that I connected with, and with the intensity of some of the experiences, I found myself falling in love with beautiful women that crossed my path. Unicorns.
There was the Dolphin Shamaness who I met on a Pilgrimage in Peru. We drank Grandfather Medicine together, birthed universes, and had a spirit baby in the labyrinth of Chavin.
A year later, I met beautiful Tattoo Song on a California Ranch. We were doing transformative work together, and during a meditation, I felt her soul connect to mine. She started crying, and we went for a walk. She told me:
“Two weeks ago, my fiancee found me on the bathroom floor. I had swallowed 200 pills. The doctor said there was no way I should be alive. Now I know why God sent me back… it was so I could come to this Ranch and meet you.”
I felt overwhelming love… We shared some tender moments, we shared a dance. Then, after returning to reality, she ghosted me. I still loved her for a year, despite that we only had a momentary glimpse of a future dimension… an infinite second in the journey of life, a window that closed as soon as it opened. I realized, she was a teacher… to teach me unconditional love.
Unconditional means surrender. It means letting go completely of any expectation and result.
A few weeks ago, I had a calling to meet Miss Rabbit. We met over sushi, and the connection was instant. I felt drawn to Miss Rabbit, and came home and told my wife we could let the marriage go. We had worked hard at it, and we knew we loved each other. After all these years, I let go. I let go of expectations. I was okay if we were never intimate again. I let go of any guilt and shame of failing at marriage. I let go of fears of what would happen to my wife if I left her. I trusted in her to be strong enough.
That night, I released all that energy. Expectations are a heavy burden to carry. I wept, and my wife reached over and held me. The next day, she called while I was on the road for business.
“I was listening to the universe this morning, and it said that we can choose to love. I choose to love you.”
After years, my wife’s heart cracked open. Not fully, but she was feeling again.
A few days later, with my wife’s blessing, I had my trip with Miss Rabbit, and felt the love growing and culminating in maybe the most loving experience of my life.
Today, Miss Rabbit pretty much told me, “Mate. Not happening, dude.”
Everyone falls in love with Miss Rabbit. That’s her magic. We don’t get to choose who we love.
Maybe we don’t get to choose who, but we can choose to love.
I told her, “That’s ok. I’m still going to love you.”
A couple months ago, during a trip to Catalina Island, the Alaskan Ninja mentioned this scene from the movie Adaptation to me.
That’s true love. No one can take it away from you.