Spaceship Earth

“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that startle you. And I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.” – Benjamin Button

Three years ago, I was in Bali, and had my first experience with psychedelics. I ate two bags of psilocybin mushrooms on the beach in Nusa Dua and my heart opened. That night, I took a bubble bath that unveiled the layers of the universe to the windows of my perception. I telepathically communicated with a gecko.

“Gecko! Speak to me!”

“You suck at speaking to animals. You need to go do Ayahuasca.”

“…”

Two years ago, I went to Peru to find myself. I partook in a series of Ayahuasca ceremonies to find inspiration for the next chapter of my life. I already had a successful 23-year career in video games, my childhood dream job, and it was time for a change.

Mother Ayahuasca gave me a clear message,

“Open your wife’s heart. Mother Earth misses her.”

I asked Mother Ayahuasca many questions. Invariably, the answer would simply be, “Love.” So obvious. So simple. So profound. Yet, so hard to practice.

I traveled all over the world, into other dimensions, explored other perspectives, deepened my perception, and healed. I experimented with every modality of raising consciousness I could find and devoured them all. I communed with the spirits of Ayahuasca, Huachuma, Bobinsana, Vilca, Singado, and Psilocybin. I experimented with synthetics, MDMA and LSD, which didn’t resonate as much for me, though they were positive experiences. I conducted my own personal mapacho and cannabis ceremonies – on my own, and with loved ones. I kept seeking. Learning.

I also dove into the deep end of yoga and meditation, doing a yoga teacher training in Costa Rica, and practicing various forms of meditation and pranayama. I explored the world of personal development with PSI Seminars and the Kwik Learning Conference.

Finally, this year, I met God. I became one with the universe twice this year. 5MEO-DMT. The God Molecule. The most profound experience imaginable.

My intentions:

Surrender. Unconditional Love. Love and Abundance.

This energy has been seared into my soul. I have a constant connection to Source now. I wake up flowing with prana, filled with love, and my presence in the NOW is stronger than ever in my life.

Abundance is flowing. I am surrounded by love. So much love. Community.

Last week, my oldest daughter experienced her first true heartbreak. Her high school sweetheart broke up with her. She is so sad. Crying and asking herself why. For the first few days, she just wanted to be left alone to cry in her room, so we let her.

Last night, I was watching Silicon Valley in my office, and she came in.

I comforted her.

“There is no why. He is an 18 year old boy, about to move to New York by himself. You both are too young.

It’s ok to feel sad. Feel it as deeply as you can. This is life. This is love.

You will love again. Don’t let this make you be afraid to love.”

She cried. I continued to comfort her, placing my hand gently on her shoulder and rubbed her back.

“Mom and I love you, and we’ll always be here for you. Mom has healed. I had to go heal myself, so that she could heal herself too. Our family is healed. Be happy for that.

We are so proud of you.”

She shakes her head.

“We are so proud. We love you so much.”

She continues to cry. I can feel her doubt and feelings of low self-worth. I pour love into her and let her release her energy. Surrender. She asks if she can just lay in my office as I finish my show, and I let her rest.

That night, I have a profound realization.

My divine purpose: To heal myself so that I can hold the space for those around me to heal. The universe led me to heal myself by giving me an assignment to heal my wife. Divine purpose coursed through my being, like an electrical current of love.

As my shaman whispered in my ear two years ago during a Huachuma ceremony deep in the jungle, right before I snorted liquid fire (Singado) up my nostrils.

“Remember. It’s about unconditional, universal Love.

Surrender. You’re so good at it.”

Love. So obvious. So simple. So profound. So easy… If we let everything go. Surrender.

When that seems hard, I remember the words of the wise man, Joe Rogan:

“If you ever start taking things too seriously, just remember that we are talking monkeys on an organic spaceship flying through the universe.”

talkingmonkeys

Life is fucking amazing.

Goddess Energy

Last weekend, I went to a ceremony where Goddess energy was channeled and released. I felt nourished, charged with energy, and overwhelmed by it. It makes sense that though we all have male and female energy, the energy that creates life is still physically embodied in the female form. As males, we experience it through empathy and connection.

I spent today with Iaso, a Greek priestess who returned from the dead to be an energy healer. She taught me some skills for reading energy and channeled some messages from the universe to me.

Appropriate, given that today is International Women’s Day 2017. #BeBoldForChange

A-camera-man-films-a-statue-of-a-girl-facing-the-Wall-St-Bull-as-part-of-a-campaign-by-US-fund-m

The Quickening

I spent the weekend experiencing a Quickening. I turbocharged my mind and abilities and found clarity. During the journey, I met an energy healer from Thailand and connected with her. When we parted on Friday night, she held me close, stared into my eyes and said,

“Feel that fear.”

A feeling of darkness welled up in my chest up to my throat, and I loosened my jaw as she massaged my neck and touched my chin.

“Now, let it go.”

That night, in the hotel room, I was flowing with high energy, and had trouble sleeping.I was amped up on various nootropics, aqueous zeolite, and some mind training throughout the day.  I finally drifted to sleep, and experienced intense dreams. I woke up, and was purging dark energy out of my mouth… My throat chakra was being cleared, and when I became lucid, I didn’t know where I was.

I let go of some of the dark energy and let go of attachment and fear.

The Infinite

The other night, I went on a trip to another dimension, where I connected to Infinity, Source, The Universe. It was a profound journey and as I returned to the launchpad, I encountered a white fractal demonic entity that was vile and terrifying. It was made of fractal insect/reptile energy scales, and pulsated in a horrifying frequency, and was attached to my soul.

“I need help.”

Hawk wings flapped over me, and the rhythmic beats calmed me and helped the energy flow as I faced and dove into the demon. I expunged the demon from my being with a series of hissing, guttural Predator-like growls. It felt as though I was shedding the toxic, energetic scales from my being.

When I fully returned to the launchpad, a vision of three beautiful goddesses greeted me. They radiated love and healing energy, and I embraced and absorbed the peace, love, and joy knowing that I had purged the shadow energy from my being.


Magic.

Lunch with Artemis

“Poetry is the most efficient way to render a moment.”

I went to Deep Stretch Yoga this morning, and was pleasantly surprised at class. My beautiful friend Artemis, a magical yogi, an elven spirit warrior, and of course, a moon goddess, was subbing today and guided us through an amazing deep, healing practice. Artemis and I have been attempting to arrange a get together for months now, and the universe told us today, “get out of the way silly humans, time to meet up.” After class, we had green smoothies, a wholesome delicious lunch at Jimbo’s, and amazing conversation.

“You never wish on shooting stars. You wish on the ones that have the courage to shine where they are.” -Andrea Gibson

Books and More:

We shared some intentions for 2017, enjoyed the beautiful San Diego December weather, and magical energy and synchronicity.

Wild Medicine. Barcelona.
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Weedman

The avatar I’ve used for Spliff MacGyver and this website comes from this hilarious Taiwanese animation company, Tomo News (Chinese: 蘋果動新聞), previously known as Next Media Animation, NMA News and Taiwanese Animators.

With the recent passing of Prop 64 in California, acceptance of cannabis usage is becoming more mainstream. I use cannabis for creativity, perspective change, and of course recreationally at times. However, I prefer to do it very ceremonially, and I integrated a practice that was shared with me by a Jedi Yogi in Costa Rica to always have an intention when using medicine. We have a practice of writing an intention into the crutch of every spliff we smoke.

When I have the time or inclination, I also use a cauldron that I acquired not long after my Bulletproof Exorcist weekend in Pasadena a few months ago. We “marinate” the spliffs with various herbs that I ordered from the Witch SuperCenter. These give each puff a unique flavor and energy. Recently, to celebrate a milestone, we crafted a spliff cross that we blazed in the backyard.

Fear and Joy in Quantum Dimensions

“This is not a kiddie ride! Aaaaaaaaaaah!!!”

We have been having a wonderful family reunion over Christmas break with my sister and her in-laws. My wife has been suffering from anxiety and depression over the past few years, and she displays symptoms of PTSD from her childhood as a Vietnam war refugee and the trauma of being married to yours truly. The fact that I’ve been investing our life savings to support Spliff and Jimmy and to build a constantly pivoting software project hasn’t helped either.

At Disneyworld, my wife got on the Barnstormer kids’ roller coaster with us and was terrified. She was screaming in terror the whole ride. It was definitely a release of some energy.

The Fear and Joy Cycle

Through various modalities of healing and light work over the past few years, I’ve come to understand tools to release buried trauma, and they all seem to require a cycle of Fear (or Intensity), Courage to push through the Fear, a Release of Energy, and an experience of Joy (or Love) that leads to:

ca·thar·sis
kəˈTHärsəs/
noun
the process of releasing, and thereby providing relief from, strong or repressed emotions.

The Vagal Tone

In the past year, since my yoga teacher training in Costa Rica, I’ve been hearing about the Vagal tone and the Vagus nerve and their roles in the healing trauma. A passionate conversation about the Vagal tone in San Francisco with Cage led to the Wonderland Gambit and that journey, which also led us to Gandalf.

When trauma isn’t processed, we end up stuck on LOW, feeling depressed, numb, or wanting to die. In order to make a change in behavior and mindset, it requires an emotional connection to change thought, and fear and joy are the most universal and strongest emotions. By triggering fear and joy back to back, it seems we can jump start the parasympathetic nervous system, and restore emotional balance.

“Fear is your best friend or your worst enemy. It’s like fire. If you can control it, it can cook for you; it can heat your house. If you can’t control it, it will burn everything around you and destroy you. If you can control your fear, it makes you more alert, like a deer coming across the lawn.”Mike Tyson

For Spliff, it was facing heartbreak, death, and fear on the mean streets of Sacramento, intense code, and joyful blaze sessions. My modalities were plant medicine journeys, meditation, yoga, and personal development seminars.

It’s been interesting to experiment with transcendence of fear…

What’s on the other side of fear?

everythingyouwant