The Way of the Shaman

The Long Road
A couple years ago, after a week of Ayahuasca ceremonies, and several Huachuma ceremonies and jungle walks, I returned late one night to my room and received a message from the universe. The Spirit of the Curandero. The Way of the Shaman. The Long Road.

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CBD Conference
Last week, an invitation to Texas for a spiritual medicine gathering manifested. I flew and spent two days connecting with the medicine and a beautiful conscious community. The medicine is a CBD oil product formulated by a shamanic wizard chemist and is magic. The conference was full of scientific information and inspiring stories of transformation.

On the first day of the conference, I met Touch Healer from Boulder. She had a gentle beautiful spirit, and we connected immediately. I could feel her energy, a limbic resonance. We went to dinner at an Oaxacan restaurant and when we sat down, she said,

“I know we have a lot to say to each other, but can we just be with each other for a moment.”

We sat down at our table in the crowded restaurant and I gazed into her eyes. My being radiated with energy and the rest of the world melted away. It was a deep soul connection, and I felt clean and beautiful energy flowing through my body. Love. Pure.

Touch Healer began to share one of her personal fears, and slowly processed it. Then she said,

“How about our planet? What do you think?”

I just smiled at her and said,

“We’re going to be ok.”

I knew this in my soul from my journey in Arrowhead. The collective consciousness of humanity has figured out how to solve the world’s problems, and we are now manifesting the solutions. I nodded gently at her as tears streamed down her face. We then enjoyed a beautiful meal of various types of seafood with different mole sauces.

Touch Healer and I had a profound energetic connection. There was a point during the conference, she asked, “May I?” I nodded, and she put her arm around me. I felt a charge of energy… of love… emanating through our connection. It was deep and powerful and I laid my head on her shoulder, as the world outside melted away.

Beautiful.

The next day, I continued connecting with amazing people. I met a beautiful alien with green hair ornamented with feathers, with a Belgian Shephard dog and a Nepalese singing bowl.

“Would you like to walk my dog with me?”

We walked out to a nearby park, and laid on the grass, grounding after spending most of the day indoors. We talked about other dimensions and soaked in the blue sky, as the music from an ice cream truck provided a surreal soundtrack.

She invited me to an 11:11 ceremony with a hand drawn invitation card. At this point, another friend, Rowdy showed up and hung out with us for a while. A homeless man approaches us and asks for a birthday gift. We give him some cash and change, then sing happy birthday before heading back to the hotel for dinner.

The conference was amazing. I felt energized.


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The following day, I went to the NASA Space Center. I was inspired by what humanity can achieve when we work together. Amazing. During the tour, I saw the words:

UNITY, DESTINY, HARMONY

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A Prophecy.
We’re really going to be ok…


Grey Jedi Bee Medicine

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After getting back to California, I headed up one day to spend time with friends. As I was driving up, Ahsoka, the Grey Jedi sent me this image and told me that she could feel me looking at her through this image.


I had sushi with the Alaskan Ninja, then coffee with a couple of spirit sisters, and went to Ahsoka’s place to catch up. We smoked a bowl, and she told me she had another friend coming over. She said she was afraid he’d be overly affectionate and it bothered her and made her uncomfortable.

Anti-Chris arrives and we head to the clubhouse. We swim in the pool and sit in the hot tub. Anti-Chris got affectionate with Ahsoka, and he got touchy and kissy. Ahsoka alternated between being uncomfortable and enjoying the attention. It triggered feelings of creepiness in me.

As I am sitting in the hot tub with Ahsoka, Anti-Chris hovers around and tells his story,

“All nine of my ex-girlfriends have been bipolar and ADHD.”

As he spoke of his life and his struggles, I could feel his darkness and shadow. I didn’t judge, just witnessed. Suddenly, a couple of bees showed up, and startled him. He had an experience as a child where he was stung by thousands of bees and almost died, so was understandably terrified.

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The bees began to orbit my head. They felt like electrons zipping around the nucleus of my brain. Bee Medicine entered my life in a strong way when I got stung by a solitary queen bee which somehow left a stinger in my left ring knuckle (solitary bees don’t leave their stingers, it must of torn off when I reacted and flicked it off of my stung knuckle) while I was hiking with my wife on LSD in Big Bear.

Trust in Miracles. Manifest Abundance. One of the bees ending up getting trapped behind me in a puddle of water as I sat in the hot tub. It was struggling and I blew it with a gust into the dry sunny concrete. Ahsoka looks at the bee with concern. Anti-Chris comes over and looks at it. I say,

“It’ll be ok. She’ll dry off and fly on her own.”

A few minutes later, the bee flew off.


Holding Space

We went inside. Later in the evening, I have Ahsoka some CBD Oil, then I put my arm around Ahsoka and channeled love in the same way that Touch Healer had showed me. Ahsoka started channeling spirit guides and her body began to move. She was delivering messages from the Universe.

“Mother Gaia wants me to tell you. Cannabis is medicine. The THC is the male part of the medicine… CBD is the female. CBD… will save the world.”

We were connecting psychically. She and I both understood that Anti-Chris was a fractal pattern that she was attracting to her based on some energy she had inside. I saw a reflection of myself in him. When he wanted to hug and kiss her, it was his channeling of love. He couldn’t help himself.

A few other friends came over to her condo and I told Ahsoka I was going to head home, and she grabbed my arm.

“Please stay. You’re the only one here I can really trust.”

She looks over at Anti-Chris as her hands make frantic hand signs and her eyes widen with fear and tells me,

“I should be looking for Luke, but I keep finding Anakins.”

She continued channeling and received messages from the television,

“Beware the Demon Samurai.”
“69 – Yin & Yang”

She lays down on her love mat – a futon like cushion that hovers inches off the floor and I lay down next to her holding space for her. My right hand hover over her body, and I continue to channel love and prana. She guides my hand and presses it on various parts of her body, and shares stories from her past. Stories of hurt and pain from men in her life, especially her ex, Steve. I can feel her releasing trauma. It is energetically intense, and I focus on hold pure, energetically clean space.

On the television, a news story comes on about Steve McNair and his murder. Her eyes go wide. “Steve…”

“And then she put a gun to her head.”

Ahsoka loses it and starts bawling. I continue to hold space and she continues telling stories. Finally she sits up and tells a story of her deepest shame…

“I felt like I was taken advantage of. It felt… alien

and then when we went camping, ___ saw us making out, and all the women found out.

The shame…”

I have my left hand on her back, and my right hand on her back as she energetically purged, trembling and releasing the shame… then weeping deeply. After several minutes, she calmed down, and relaxed.

“Where’s Anti-Chris? I can feel his jealousy… Anakins… I keep drawing them.”

By now it was nearly 3am, and I needed to drive home. The Way of the Shaman. The Long Road. I cannot deny it.

Spaceship Earth

“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that startle you. And I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.” – Benjamin Button

Three years ago, I was in Bali, and had my first experience with psychedelics. I ate two bags of psilocybin mushrooms on the beach in Nusa Dua and my heart opened. That night, I took a bubble bath that unveiled the layers of the universe to the windows of my perception. I telepathically communicated with a gecko.

“Gecko! Speak to me!”

“You suck at speaking to animals. You need to go do Ayahuasca.”

“…”

Two years ago, I went to Peru to find myself. I partook in a series of Ayahuasca ceremonies to find inspiration for the next chapter of my life. I already had a successful 23-year career in video games, my childhood dream job, and it was time for a change.

Mother Ayahuasca gave me a clear message,

“Open your wife’s heart. Mother Earth misses her.”

I asked Mother Ayahuasca many questions. Invariably, the answer would simply be, “Love.” So obvious. So simple. So profound. Yet, so hard to practice.

I traveled all over the world, into other dimensions, explored other perspectives, deepened my perception, and healed. I experimented with every modality of raising consciousness I could find and devoured them all. I communed with the spirits of Ayahuasca, Huachuma, Bobinsana, Vilca, Singado, and Psilocybin. I experimented with synthetics, MDMA and LSD, which didn’t resonate as much for me, though they were positive experiences. I conducted my own personal mapacho and cannabis ceremonies – on my own, and with loved ones. I kept seeking. Learning.

I also dove into the deep end of yoga and meditation, doing a yoga teacher training in Costa Rica, and practicing various forms of meditation and pranayama. I explored the world of personal development with PSI Seminars and the Kwik Learning Conference.

Finally, this year, I met God. I became one with the universe twice this year. 5MEO-DMT. The God Molecule. The most profound experience imaginable.

My intentions:

Surrender. Unconditional Love. Love and Abundance.

This energy has been seared into my soul. I have a constant connection to Source now. I wake up flowing with prana, filled with love, and my presence in the NOW is stronger than ever in my life.

Abundance is flowing. I am surrounded by love. So much love. Community.

Last week, my oldest daughter experienced her first true heartbreak. Her high school sweetheart broke up with her. She is so sad. Crying and asking herself why. For the first few days, she just wanted to be left alone to cry in her room, so we let her.

Last night, I was watching Silicon Valley in my office, and she came in.

I comforted her.

“There is no why. He is an 18 year old boy, about to move to New York by himself. You both are too young.

It’s ok to feel sad. Feel it as deeply as you can. This is life. This is love.

You will love again. Don’t let this make you be afraid to love.”

She cried. I continued to comfort her, placing my hand gently on her shoulder and rubbed her back.

“Mom and I love you, and we’ll always be here for you. Mom has healed. I had to go heal myself, so that she could heal herself too. Our family is healed. Be happy for that.

We are so proud of you.”

She shakes her head.

“We are so proud. We love you so much.”

She continues to cry. I can feel her doubt and feelings of low self-worth. I pour love into her and let her release her energy. Surrender. She asks if she can just lay in my office as I finish my show, and I let her rest.

That night, I have a profound realization.

My divine purpose: To heal myself so that I can hold the space for those around me to heal. The universe led me to heal myself by giving me an assignment to heal my wife. Divine purpose coursed through my being, like an electrical current of love.

As my shaman whispered in my ear two years ago during a Huachuma ceremony deep in the jungle, right before I snorted liquid fire (Singado) up my nostrils.

“Remember. It’s about unconditional, universal Love.

Surrender. You’re so good at it.”

Love. So obvious. So simple. So profound. So easy… If we let everything go. Surrender.

When that seems hard, I remember the words of the wise man, Joe Rogan:

“If you ever start taking things too seriously, just remember that we are talking monkeys on an organic spaceship flying through the universe.”

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Life is fucking amazing.

A Tale of Two Trees

August 2016

I went to the Ranch during the last week of July, where I participated in an experiential seminar that helped me to transform my being and freed some buried trauma. Raptorman left Barstow and was back in Sacramento with Jimmy, chasing Janeway, and they were back on the streets. He put together a demo of our technology. It featured images of broken Barstow and old school computers from the 70’s. It featured a Nine Inch Nails soundtrack and while it was technically cool, it was quite dark. It felt like I was peering into a dark part of Raptorman’s mind. I called him on Monday morning, and experienced some of his darkness and fear from whatever he was going through on the streets. I started questioning whether it was the right decision to continue working with him, because the darkness scared me.

That afternoon, I walked up to a giant oak tree at the Ranch, and placed my hand on it, “I love you Grandfather Tree.” I sat under it, and as soon as I sat down, there was a large cracking sound. I continued to sit with my back against its trunk, and meditated for about ten minutes, feeling the spirit of the tree and talking to it. It responded with cracking and popping sounds… I found it odd, however, I didn’t really thing much of it.

The class went back into the lecture hall inside the main building near the tree, and thirty minutes later, there was a large crash that shook the building, and the instructor says “Well, sounds like the tree went down.” When we went back outside, the tree had split in half, one of the trunks split and fell on the building. At first, I thought maybe it was a warning from the universe about working with Raptorman building AI, and the darkness that we could unleash on the world with it.

A crew started chainsawing and cleaning off the remnants of the fallen trunk throughout the week. As the week went on, and I healed some trauma through the experiential work, when I walked past the tree day by day, I realized that the Grandfather Tree had absorbed darkness from me (and also from Raptorman through my link to him?), dispersed it through the dead trunk and released the darkness.

That Thursday, Grandfather Tree‘s debris was fully cleaned up, which was the same day I had a huge transformative breakthrough at the seminar and an experience of true love with a Unicorn.

I decided at the end of the week to open source parts of the software we were building and to send Spliff and Jimmy $1,500/month so they could have a roof over their heads. They moved into a motel in Chinatown and the project lived on.

I arrived home, and when I looked in my backyard, the tree in my backyard also had split in half. Prior to my trip to the Ranch, my wife was in a place of severe darkness and depression, and I was sleeping in the guest room. As soon as I returned, her eyes were shining with love and she said “I love you again.” I asked her what happened with the tree in the backyard, and she said “I don’t know. It just fell down on Friday.”

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Both trees survived, and were saved. Every time we blaze in the backyard, the Backyard Tree is there, linked to the spirit of the Grandfather Tree, watching over us with love.

Consciousness 101

A few years ago, the messages from the universe began calling me to expand my consciousness. I was a high paid expat executive and was living a fast paced lifestyle, jetsetting, partying.

I was feeling disillusioned with my work and my life, and I started seeking.

I was friends with a Bitcoin millionaire, The Chairman, who I partied with every year in Singapore. He would have tables at Ku De Ta (one of the best views from a club in the world) or Pangaea (most expensive club in the world at the time) every night, and the tab would usually be five figures ($USD). The Chairman operated on hyperdrive. He was always thinking at lightspeed, partying like a madman, and focused on world changing disruptive technology, especially Bitcoin and cryptocurrencies. Our mutual friend Jewel told me,

“I’m not sure how smart The Chairman actually is, I think he just does a lot of smart drugs.”

Smart drugs. I had never heard of them really. I watched Limitless on one of my flights across the globe and decided to look into these smart drugs.

I became a biohacker.

I was living in Taipei at the time, and I also began listening to the Joe Rogan Experience podcast. I watched his Talking Monkeys in Space special and during the Q&A, Joe talks about DMT. I blog about this in the future, and at that moment I decided, I needed to connect with these geometric beings of light made of love and understanding.

I signed up for a membership at Dream Water, a floatation tank center in Taipei, and started doing 90 minute to 2 hour floats in an isolation tank every week.

Oldboy, an old friend from my past had found me through chance. Oldboy and I were in Taipei together in our youth. We spent a summer exploring Taiwan with a group of friends back in 1991, and my dad had taken a bunch of us out to lunch that summer. Oldboy and I lost touch with each other in that pre-digital era, and I never saw him again after that summer.

One day, I received an email from my dad:

“I ran into your friend Oldboy. He asked for your email.”

Oldboy had randomly attended one of my dad’s lectures. My dad is a well known scientist, and Oldboy somehow remembered his face from a lunch over 20 years ago. Synchronicity!

Oldboy and I would go out for beers in Taipei regularly, and he told me about his life and struggles and how meditation saved his life. He gave me a CD and a printout with meditation instructions. It was a 40 minute guided meditation. I started doing it daily.

I ended up getting restructured out of my executive position and had an option to move back to HQ in the US, or taking a six figure severance package.

Here I was at the end of 2013, biohacking with smart drugs, exploring floatation tanks and meditation, and suddenly restructured out of a job and flush with cash. Something was brewing.

My initial plan was to take 2014 off and travel, consult, and take some time to find myself. Little did I know at the time, what this journey would bring or how much of myself I would end up finding.